A guest entry by my comrade and friend, Sharon, who is in a not too dissimilar position to myself.  An older daughter, followed by two boys, who aren't identical, but just as lovely as each other. 

The following list was compiled following a rather amusing exchange on that good old social networking site we all love to hate; facebook.  Her list did make me laugh, so I wanted to share it (with Sharon's permission) here. 

"I know people don't mean to be rude but this is my top ten annoying things that people say.. And in the early first sleep deprived weeks of twin motherhood you gets these A LOT!

1. "Are they twins?" To me it is stating the bleeding obvious.. And it is usually followed by some long protracted story about their second cousin's neighbour's aunt who might have had twins, but they can't remember...

2. "Are they natural?" No.. they are those little reborn dolls... And yes the screaming noise is very realistic.

3. "Are they IVF?" Yes, I'm infertile, thank you for that! And then the story about the friend who it didn't work for.

4. "Are they in a routine?" Yes, perfect routine, when one is asleep the other is screaming his head off and vice versa.

5. " You must have had a c-section?" No actually, I have a fanny like the Channel Tunnel, but let's discuss your bits and pieces shall we??

6. "It's a shame you can't breast feed". I did actually, not as long as I had hoped, but I did.

7. "I bet you're tired". No sh*t, Sherlock.

8. "Is one the evil twin?" Yes. The one you just touched, and he's put a curse on you.

9. "Oooh double trouble". Twice the joy

10. "Ooooh twinnies!" FECK. OFF.

But the nicest thing I ever heard was when a man came up to my husband and I and said he had 7 year old twins. One day he came home and found his wife sobbing in the dog basket. And that the day I felt like that, I wouldn't be the first, or the last mum to feel that way. And that the journey was ALL worth it!

And all twin mums really want to know is, "What buggy have you got??"... along with "You do survive, don't you?"!!"

Thank you Sharon for sharing this with me... and allowing me to share it with everyone else.


  1. Hi Linda! I wrote a post almost exactly like yours a few months ago... isn't it amazing how everyone repeats the same few comments??

    IF you have time ;), have a read: http://www.whistlerbaby.com/top-10-stupid-things-people-say-to-mums-with-twins/

    My blog is based in Whistler Canada, called WHISTLER BABY (www.whistlerbaby.com)

  2. So this all came after another Facebook rant about the random questions you get asked as a twin mum.. I had been to toddler group with my two boys, Acer and Jake. Now they are non-identical.. One is plumper, one is skinny, one is a calmer chap, the other is racing around like a madman, one has straight hair, the other has curly; you get the idea.

    Well, time came to leave toddler group and so I hoicked up one to each hip (they're just a year old this week), grabbed my bag and made for the exit (not helped, you'll note). And I was stopped to asked "What's the age gap?"... Now, as a twin mum, I'm used to the random questions but this was a new one on me. "Err.. 21 minutes." "They're twins?? But that one moves so much quicker, they can't be twins." Now I'm pretty sure I'd remember something like two babies coming out on the same day, but there you go. In the early days, I'd been told they couldn't be twins as they were different sizes.

    Now my list might seem like a bit a of rant, and to be honest, that day, it was. But I'd like to pick up on one in particular; the IVF question.

    I have no problem with my own infertility, yes, it hurts sometimes that I am not a 'proper woman', but no-one has ever made me feel like that, other than myself. And I'll acknowledge that I'm probably being very unfair; I have three children, my elder daughter Isla was also the result of IVF and when I had her, I wanted to shout from the rooftops and make everyone realise just how precious my darling daughter was (and is).

    BUT.. I know that the increase in IVF has been the main contributor to the increase in the frequency of twins, however, I am amazed at how often people assume they are the result of IVF and that you are happy to be questioned on the topic. I've frequently been made to feel that my boys are not as 'special' because they are from IVF, and I've lost count of the times I've been told 'You don't know how lucky you are, my friend/neighbour/second cousin's milkman's wife' had IVF six times and it didn't work.

    I do know how lucky I am . I made huge sacrifices (financial, emotional, professional) to get my family. My pregnancies were not straightforward; I was hospitalised in my first and was originally pregnant with triplets with the boys. Jake spent a week in NICU and we were only given a clean bill of health for him at 12 weeks old. Now I know that other people have harder journeys to parenthood that my husband and I, but please.. Don't ever make assumptions about my feelings or what I've been through. Or you may get asked if your child was conceived doggy style or in the missionary position; be very careful what you ask a sleep deprived twin mum in the post office queue!!!

  3. AnonymousJuly 16, 2012

    This is so negative....It's insulting to all of those well meaning people who are not parents or not parents of twins.

    I bet your friends are grateful to know how you feel about their comments.

    1. Gosh, It is so true that non parents & non parents of twins just DON'T GET IT AT ALL!!!
      Although the list is written in jest, does it not strike you (Anonymous) that perhaps some of these questions are actually quite insulting to parents of twins?! Especially when asked at the most inconvenient or inappropriate of times which trust me is very much usually the case, do you not have any compassion for what twin mums may feel when ambushed by some random stranger when all she wants to do is get her chores done for the day with two banshees in tow? I think the friends of any twin mum would actually appreciate this post and share a laugh on the brighter, sillier side of this.....

    2. I'm sorry you chose to be so offended Anonymous. It's probably about as insulting as being asked highly personal questions when you are very tired and struggling with what life has thrown at you.

      It isn't friends who ask these things; it's people you don't know you and choose to question you in the street. Friends are very supportive, and it's reassuring to twin mums that they are going through the same things.

    3. Anonymous....maybe you don't understand how it feels to have people question you about your sex life in public. Most people assume that my sex life is public domain because I've had infertility treatments. It's actually quite rude, especially in line at the grocery store. I also happen to think it's quite insulting to my twins when people look at me in horror and say "better you than me." They act like my children are awful instead of the double blessings that I see them as. You want us to put ourselves in the shoes of the ingnorant people asking personal questions...well, maybe you should put yourself in the shoes of a tired new mom just trying to make it through the day in one piece.

  4. Thank you for your comment anonymous. Whilst I can see how some might see this as negative, it is intended to use humour to get through a tough experience. The hope is that the posts will make other twins mums smile or chuckle, expectant or new to twins mums gain some tips (hopefully laced through) and make my friends laugh at some of the silly things they've said. My friends all support this project as they know just how tough the last 17 months have been, and they know full well that some of their dafter comments have been met with a sly grin when they've missed the mark somewhat. We all know that people do mean well, we know they don't want to cause offence, but sometimes they accidentally do. This blog is a personal cathartic project that I hope will be of use or at least entertainment to others. But thank you for your feedback, I'll take it on board.

  5. StorytimemumJuly 17, 2012

    As a mother of 4 year old non-identical twin girls I have had all the comments in some way over the years!
    I still get the "double trouble" one, and the "are they identical?" one.
    It is usually people in the street or people you don't know at playgroups etc who ask you- still had the IVF question when the girls started school nursery-and yet the other mothers at the school gates with singletons didn't get asked how their child was conceived (and is it really anyone's business and why should it matter?)
    The funniest moment I had when the girls were tiny and I was pushing them around in their buggy, was an old lady stopping me to peer in at them and asking "are they girls?" so I replied yes, they were and she stood up and said "I prefer boys" and walked away! Made me laugh and I found it funnier still because it wasn't a twin related comment!

  6. StorytimemumJuly 17, 2012

    OOh, and just wanted to add that now they are 4 having twins is the BEST thing ever! They play really well together and occupy themselves for hours playing elaborate games leaving me to get on with housework (or on the internet-ahem) Friends at school who have one at school and one at home are envious of me now- which is a nice role reversal after years of feeling envious of singeleton mothers who had at least one hand free some of the time!
    My two are great friends and allies and are very protective of each other, which is lovely. I love the idea of them starting in reception with a friend by their side already. :)
    Of course I have had the comments about splitting twins up when they start school- a couple of mothers have insisted that our school has a policy of splitting twins up despite the fact that I have spoken to the head and they have no such thing and its something the school discusses with the parents as and when and if it is necessary. I know they mean well- I just nod and smile and ignore!

  7. Storytimemum thank you for your comments. That's really encouraging for us mums a couple of years behind! My two are just starting to interact properly, I'm interested to see how their relationship develops!

    I'm also really interested in what you say about them being in the same class, as this is something my husband and I debate regularly. And a topic I definitely hope to discuss again in this collection.

    Later I'll be discussing some of the comments around their behaviour, and whether they behave differently or not.

    Thanks again for your contribution. X

  8. Me again!! I also wanted to elaborate on the 'Ooooh twinnies' comment and the reason why this annoyed me so much :D

    Once my boys were actually born, we took the decision NOT to normally refer to they as 'twins'. The term is used in our house, and the boys will know they are twins, however, for us, it was important that being twins didn't define them. We do call them 'the boys' but much prefer them to be called by name; Acer and Jake.

    The reason the 'Ooooh twinnies' comment annoyed me was that a lady at a toddler group we attend ALWAYS and ONLY ever refers to Acer and Jake as 'the twinnies'. I find this quite disrespectful, they someone can not be bothered to learn their names; I have learnt her children's names, she has never even asked mine. While my boys are non-identical, and rather obviously so, I do understand that people can easily forget which one is which.

    BUT, they are little people in their own right and should not simply be defined by the other. I choose not to dress them the same, other twin mums and dads are very welcome to choose otherwise. I just this it is very important to help my children to discover who they are and be known by others for their own qualities.

  9. StorytimemumJuly 19, 2012

    We have told the girls that being twins is really special and they now trot that line out whenever someone does the "ooh twins" line. I have overheard them say "yes, we are special" which cracks me up!

    As far as same class/different class its very personal and i think once you see how your twins are developing you will have more of an idea- my two are different enough and independent enough to be in the same class, but they have each other as back up! the school is 2 form entry so if we ever need to split them we can, and the school is happy for us to discuss whenever we want to. One of the main reasons we chose the school they got into is the 2 form entry and that when I asked about twins they gave me a sensible answer! You have all this to come...applications for school places is hell as it is, without the added pressure of wanting 2 places in an oversubscribed school!TAMBA useful on this.

    I have to say that having survived the early years and remained pretty sane that this age with twins is just a delight.

    1. Thank you storytimemum, it is people like you, people a little bit further down the line who are still smiling, that makes it seem like a future to look forward to for people like me. x

  10. The first time we took the Twinkles out was to register their births. A elderly lady came to have a look at them and said "Both boys?! Well that's a shame dear I bet you would have liked one of each" I was gobsmacked! Welcome to the world of twin comments.
    The most stupid comment I've had is "Are they identical?" No I say "Are they going to be identical?" WHAT!
    Whilst The Beard was out shopping with the Twinkles a women came up to him and said "Gosh it must be hard work being a single Dad to twins" God forbid The Beard takes the Twinkles out to give me a rest.

    1. ha ha that is funny... people do make the funniest presumptions don't they! thank you for contributing... xx

  11. I gave birth to my twins naturally... does that mean I have a fanny like the channel tunnel???

    LOL. I of course realise this is a joke and I did find it hilarious, however I will not show this post to my husband or I will never hear the end of the jokes about France! :-)

    Great post! xx