You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

8. "Do they have different personalities?"

Nope. They behave exactly the same. All of the time. Sorry, I couldn't help being sarcastic.

This area actually really fascinates me, because of course they have different personalities - one of my boys is a stubborn old fool who insists, absolutely insists, on climbing on the dining table and helping himself to the apples... whilst the other one has attached to his toy rabbit and carries him around by the ear. One loves strawberries, the other one won't touch them. I could carry on here for a while.

I haven't exactly carried out any scientific research on the matter, but from my limited 'unofficial-would-never-be-passed-off-as-research' research, I think it is suffice to say that twins, irrespective of whether they are identical or not, do definitely develop different personalities. But also, as much as any siblings do, due to them sharing their environment, their experiences of being 'parented', some of how they develop is similar.

Identical means genetically identical - it does not mean carbon copy - or at least last time I checked.

Welcome to my long over due attempt at capturing some of the daft, crazy, kind or otherwise things I've been told by friends, family and random strangers since becoming a parent of multiples.

My name is Laura, and I have a daughter, who less than two years later was followed by my identical twin sons. That last year and a half has been pretty crazy, but amazingly we've all survived.

I do appreciate that any mother, regardless of whether they have one child or ten, has some rather unwelcome feedback on their parenting and / or child (e.g. "don't you think she should be wearing socks in this weather"). However, having first experienced being a mother out and about with my daughter, followed rather too swiftly by being a parent out with my twin sons, that the whole running commentary on your life ups to a whole new astonishing level

> Some comments make my jaw drop to the floor

> Some comments make my blood boil

> Some comments make me snigger.Some comments bring a tear to my eye

> Some comments make me realise how there are some things that you just won't understand until you've experienced parenting multiples

> Some comments make me realise just how well I'm doing

> Some comments are just outrageous

> Some comments are really kind

And what I've come to realise, is that all these comments (from the sublime to the ridiculous) should be documented - in part for us parents of multiples (yes, it often does feel like we are in a special club, despite my best attempts at denial) to reflect on them, laugh about them, share them and feel a sense of togetherness about them.

Hopefully also some people who don't have the luxury of twins or triplets or dare I say it quads (eek!) might read this, and might find themselves in a better position to change a very tired parent's day from a crap one, to a great one, just by getting that comment right. Or at the very least, avoiding putting their foot in it, and sending the poor parent off to the toilet in tears (or at least they would if they didn't have to single-handedly supervise more children than they have hands).

I would like to include stories and narrative from others I have shared this journey with - and if you would also like to contribute to this collection please do get in touch. Email me on ll.milling@btinternet.com with your favourite (or indeed least favourite) comments, and how you've taken to responding to them (rudely, politely, or otherwise)

This blog is supposed to be educational, entertaining, amusing, and enlightening - as well as cathartic for me, the author.

1 comment:

nana CaroleJuly 19, 2012
As the blessed nana of said beautiful twin boys (and Laura's mam) this is such an interesting one for me! I am really curious about how we develop personality and I believe that we do it in relation to and with others. It's kind of a reciprocity thing going on that shapes and makes us - so I am looking forward to developing my relationship with each of my grandsons that is unique - just like them!!!