You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

AND THE WINNER IS: 1. "You've got your hands full"

I can't tell you just how many times I've had this said to me now. Truly, enough already. I can't take it anymore.

However, yesterday a lovely friend of mine in a very similar situation to myself taught me the best response I could give; "yes, they are full, full of love".

The truth is, my hands are full. In fact, they are overflowing. I have 3 small children, and only 2 hands (although I've also found that feet are more helpful than I first thought). Having twins is a handful. Definitely. No denying it.

But the thing I forgot when I was expecting the boys was that they come with a lot of love. And let's face it, if you're going to have your hands full, what better to have them full of than 3 amazing children, who you have the honour of parenting.

But next time, rather than rather obviously pointing out to a no doubt tired parent that she/he has their hands full.... how about you open the door for them, or pick up the sippy cup their child has just dropped, or offer to push one child on the swing while they push the other. It is still the simple things that make a big difference, even to those of us with our hands full.

Welcome to my long over due attempt at capturing some of the daft, crazy, kind or otherwise things I've been told by friends, family and random strangers since becoming a parent of multiples.

My name is Laura, and I have a daughter, who less than two years later was followed by my identical twin sons. That last year and a half has been pretty crazy, but amazingly we've all survived.

I do appreciate that any mother, regardless of whether they have one child or ten, has some rather unwelcome feedback on their parenting and / or child (e.g. "don't you think she should be wearing socks in this weather"). However, having first experienced being a mother out and about with my daughter, followed rather too swiftly by being a parent out with my twin sons, that the whole running commentary on your life ups to a whole new astonishing level

> Some comments make my jaw drop to the floor

> Some comments make my blood boil

> Some comments make me snigger.Some comments bring a tear to my eye

> Some comments make me realise how there are some things that you just won't understand until you've experienced parenting multiples

> Some comments make me realise just how well I'm doing

> Some comments are just outrageous

> Some comments are really kind

And what I've come to realise, is that all these comments (from the sublime to the ridiculous) should be documented - in part for us parents of multiples (yes, it often does feel like we are in a special club, despite my best attempts at denial) to reflect on them, laugh about them, share them and feel a sense of togetherness about them.

Hopefully also some people who don't have the luxury of twins or triplets or dare I say it quads (eek!) might read this, and might find themselves in a better position to change a very tired parent's day from a crap one, to a great one, just by getting that comment right. Or at the very least, avoiding putting their foot in it, and sending the poor parent off to the toilet in tears (or at least they would if they didn't have to single-handedly supervise more children than they have hands).

I would like to include stories and narrative from others I have shared this journey with - and if you would also like to contribute to this collection please do get in touch. Email me on ll.milling@btinternet.com with your favourite (or indeed least favourite) comments, and how you've taken to responding to them (rudely, politely, or otherwise)

This blog is supposed to be educational, entertaining, amusing, and enlightening - as well as cathartic for me, the author.

7 comments:

AnonymousJuly 19, 2012
I have a good one you could add if desired.. "wow, twins? Better you than me ! " i hear this one so often it upsets me.. Like yeah no duh, better me than you ! Thats why i was blessed with them , and theyre the greatest joy of my life. - Ashley
AnonymousJuly 19, 2012
Agreed ! Lol -Ashley
UnknownJuly 23, 2012
Can I just say thank you for sharing your experiences. I have non-id boy/girl 8 month olds and a nearly 3 year old, so can totally sympathise. I could have written a lot of what you've shared myself!
CatieAugust 14, 2012
Full hands - fuller heart!
AnonymousJanuary 18, 2013
Very honest comments and while I have no multiples, I did have 4 children while the eldest was still 5! i came across this researching for my cousin who has a 3yr old, 1yr old and is expecting triplets in march - i'll pass it on!