14. "You obviously don't have a tv!"

Ermmm... yes I do. And I watch it. A lot. Most evenings in fact. It is my escapism from my reality most of the time. Plus it also comes in handy as a children's entertainer when I need one.

I know what people are getting at, that I have lots of kids (well, 3) and that therefore I must have been bored and so got busy - if you know what I mean... 

I need to be careful what I say here as who knows, one day my kids might google something and stumble across this blog... but... we conceived the boys by accident. Ok, so we are both adults, and we knew that if we weren't careful there might, maybe, be consequences. We had decided to have another child in the future, but I had just gone freelance, my husband was planning to go freelance, we had just moved house and finally had some space to enjoy, and 'spare rooms' (having spent the first year of our daughter's life cooped up in a one bedroom basement flat, space felt good) so all in all it was not the ideal time to be making a baby, let alone two. 

Therefore I often feel completely justified in having a right old moan about my life - I didn't choose to get pregnant, and I most certainly didn't choose to have two of them at once. It was thrust upon me. And I don't personally sign up for the 'god bless me with twins because he knew I could cope' line of thought.

I imagine (and I can only begin to imagine as I haven't walked in their shoes) but it must be really tough if you've fought long and hard for your children, been through rounds of IVF to finally conceive, and to have carried twins... I can imagine that it might make one feel guilty for then having days where you resent them. I might be completely wrong. Maybe you don't. But that is what I often wonder. How hard it might be to be completely honest and say 'some days I wish I hadn't had twins'. I know full well that in the early days I had days when I felt like that. 

People use to say 'oh but you wouldn't change a thing would you' - and in my head I said 'yes I bloody would'.  It doesn't for one minute mean I didn't and don't love them. I have always loved them. I have always wanted only the best for them. This has been reflected in some of the difficult decisions I have had to make along the way. But despite loving them, there are indeed moments when I have wished I didn't love them, wished I hadn't had them, wish I had never met them - because now I have met them I can't ignore them nor abandon them... And I suspect this is true irrespective of whether you conceived them with IVF or the missionary position. I just wonder how much easier it is to admit this when it is the latter?


  1. Hi - I'm hearing everything you say! Great blog. I stumbled upon the site by accident, having already written a blog post about the stupid things say to the parents of twins myself! Your point about not choosing to have twins is so valid. I think people don't always realise we didn't have a choice in the matter always followed by the caveat (but clearly we love them). You have a new follower!

    1. Thank you Anna, so glad you stopped by and enjoyed the read. The balance between being totally honest about how you feel about your kids and making sure others know you do totally love them and they are still your everything is quite difficult to achieve!

  2. I also think 'sod off' - what's my sex life got to do with complete strangers? Anyway, because I got twins the third time, I got four babies and only had to switch off the TV three times - winners!!

    1. I always wait 3 seconds for them to blush once they realise what they've said!

  3. I don't think it matters how they came about; Laura knows my story and my family of daughter plus twin sons took seven years, lots of tears, and rounds of fertility treatment. At the end of the day, all twin mums have those days of just wanting their 'easy' life back.

    I've have a rotten couple of days this week, and I really did just wander what on earth I was doing. Why did I (of all people) end up with twins?! And today was better, there were some difficult points, and I had "Oh twinnies" and "You've got your hands f..." today.

    I have had plenty of days when I've thought I can't do, actually, scratch that, I DON'T WANT TO DO IT. I think that's normal. I think it's healthy. And if a few more people were honest, then most twin mums would realise they all have 'dog basket' days (see my list on this blog!!).

    Chin up Laura, glass of wine, bit of chocolate, bit of telly and a virtual hug as that's the best I can manage right now xx