You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

10. "Twins! I've always wanted twins!"

This commonly received comment was emailed in by Kim, who said;

"It always makes my blood boil when someone says, 'Twins, I've always wanted twins!'. The commenter is usually a young girl who is most likely fantasizing about picking out matchy names and dressing them in the same adorable outfits.

I usually just smile and nod. However, if you catch me on a particularly rough day, I've been known to reply 'no you don't. It is really hard.'

It is so much easier now that my boys are ten months old. I haven't heard that comment in a while, but if I did now, I probably would reply;

'Maybe you will be as blessed as I am.'

I think Kim is quite right, I've had a fair few people say this one, and just earlier today I was chatting with another twin mum who said that her standard reply to this was "be careful what you wish for".

Funnily enough, when I was pregnant with my daughter, I did wonder at the 12 week scan if it might be twins, not in a serious way, but I suppose I was aware that it was a possibility. However, having had a single baby, when it came to my second pregnancy it didn't once occur to me that that might be the case (despite all the some what obvious signs!).

I also think Kim hits the nail on the head, how we feel about these comments changes through time. What once was a sore subject, now becomes our favourite subject.

Welcome to my long over due attempt at capturing some of the daft, crazy, kind or otherwise things I've been told by friends, family and random strangers since becoming a parent of multiples.

My name is Laura, and I have a daughter, who less than two years later was followed by my identical twin sons. That last year and a half has been pretty crazy, but amazingly we've all survived.

I do appreciate that any mother, regardless of whether they have one child or ten, has some rather unwelcome feedback on their parenting and / or child (e.g. "don't you think she should be wearing socks in this weather"). However, having first experienced being a mother out and about with my daughter, followed rather too swiftly by being a parent out with my twin sons, that the whole running commentary on your life ups to a whole new astonishing level

> Some comments make my jaw drop to the floor

> Some comments make my blood boil

> Some comments make me snigger.Some comments bring a tear to my eye

> Some comments make me realise how there are some things that you just won't understand until you've experienced parenting multiples

> Some comments make me realise just how well I'm doing

> Some comments are just outrageous

> Some comments are really kind

And what I've come to realise, is that all these comments (from the sublime to the ridiculous) should be documented - in part for us parents of multiples (yes, it often does feel like we are in a special club, despite my best attempts at denial) to reflect on them, laugh about them, share them and feel a sense of togetherness about them.

Hopefully also some people who don't have the luxury of twins or triplets or dare I say it quads (eek!) might read this, and might find themselves in a better position to change a very tired parent's day from a crap one, to a great one, just by getting that comment right. Or at the very least, avoiding putting their foot in it, and sending the poor parent off to the toilet in tears (or at least they would if they didn't have to single-handedly supervise more children than they have hands).

I would like to include stories and narrative from others I have shared this journey with - and if you would also like to contribute to this collection please do get in touch. Email me on ll.milling@btinternet.com with your favourite (or indeed least favourite) comments, and how you've taken to responding to them (rudely, politely, or otherwise)

This blog is supposed to be educational, entertaining, amusing, and enlightening - as well as cathartic for me, the author.

2 comments:

StorytimemumJuly 20, 2012
yup, school girls used to coo over the double buggy constantly!! but now out of the buggy, all they see is two nutter 4 yr olds on scooters and we don't attract that kind of wishful comment- can't think why!!! :)
JemAugust 13, 2012
I admit to thinking this one. I lost twins at 8 weeks and I guess it's pining for what I couldn't have. Don't think I'd say it to a twin mum though, lest she think I'm a bit of an idiot.