You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

9. "When I am having a bad day, I just walk past your house, and I suddenly feel a lot better".

Advanced warning for 'anonymous commenter': this is one my friends have said to me. Dear friends, you know who you are!

I think what these friends who have said this to me actually mean to say is, 'when I am having a bad day, I think of you and realise how much harder this could be for me, as it is for you, and that puts things back in perspective a little'. Truth is, I'm not sure if in the early days either way of saying it wouldn't have landed on hostile ears, but at least the latter sounds slightly less... slightly less... hmmm... I'm not sure of the word, but perhaps would have wound me up slightly less.

Time for a confession - when my boys were first born, I had a really bad case of singleton envy. Yup, I used to watch mothers walking around, with their lovely single buggies (usually a bugaboo) with their lovely single baby, and I would resent them. There we go. It doesn't make me a terribly nice person.

But the fact of the matter is that I was jealous of them. I felt jealous of how easy they had it (even though the rational me knows that having just one baby doesn't necessarily make it easy). I wanted what they had. I wanted to be able to 'pop to the village for coffee' with my other mummy friends, and pop the baby on the breast when they started fussing, or jiggle them on my knee. I didn't want to be petrified of stopping by the local cafe in case (a) I blocked up the entire place with my massive double buggy nor (b) ruin all the other mummy's coffees when my two adorable children inevitably had a double melt down and proved the case that yes indeed I have my hands full.

I have since spoken to some other parents of multiples, who have assured me that they too went through a phase of this.

You'll be glad to know, that for the most part, this has now passed.

Instead I most definitely block up the local cafe with my double buggy by inviting my other friend with a double buggy containing two babies, and a toddler, and my children aren't quite as prone to a double melt down (although this is still considered a work in progress) and when things get really bad I pass them a croissant and it buys me enough time to finish my well needed late.

I'd even go as far as saying, that at times, very occaisonally, once in a blue moon, I catch myself feeling sorry for people who don't have twins.

Welcome to my long over due attempt at capturing some of the daft, crazy, kind or otherwise things I've been told by friends, family and random strangers since becoming a parent of multiples.

My name is Laura, and I have a daughter, who less than two years later was followed by my identical twin sons. That last year and a half has been pretty crazy, but amazingly we've all survived.

I do appreciate that any mother, regardless of whether they have one child or ten, has some rather unwelcome feedback on their parenting and / or child (e.g. "don't you think she should be wearing socks in this weather"). However, having first experienced being a mother out and about with my daughter, followed rather too swiftly by being a parent out with my twin sons, that the whole running commentary on your life ups to a whole new astonishing level

> Some comments make my jaw drop to the floor

> Some comments make my blood boil

> Some comments make me snigger.Some comments bring a tear to my eye

> Some comments make me realise how there are some things that you just won't understand until you've experienced parenting multiples

> Some comments make me realise just how well I'm doing

> Some comments are just outrageous

> Some comments are really kind

And what I've come to realise, is that all these comments (from the sublime to the ridiculous) should be documented - in part for us parents of multiples (yes, it often does feel like we are in a special club, despite my best attempts at denial) to reflect on them, laugh about them, share them and feel a sense of togetherness about them.

Hopefully also some people who don't have the luxury of twins or triplets or dare I say it quads (eek!) might read this, and might find themselves in a better position to change a very tired parent's day from a crap one, to a great one, just by getting that comment right. Or at the very least, avoiding putting their foot in it, and sending the poor parent off to the toilet in tears (or at least they would if they didn't have to single-handedly supervise more children than they have hands).

I would like to include stories and narrative from others I have shared this journey with - and if you would also like to contribute to this collection please do get in touch. Email me on ll.milling@btinternet.com with your favourite (or indeed least favourite) comments, and how you've taken to responding to them (rudely, politely, or otherwise)

This blog is supposed to be educational, entertaining, amusing, and enlightening - as well as cathartic for me, the author.

1 comment:

StorytimemumJuly 20, 2012
yup, singleton envy is common in the early years for all the reasons you have written about- carrying a baby in a sling, getting a buggy on a bus, breast feeding etc etc. It does pass, particulary as your friends with singletons then go on to have another baby and you are through the sleep deprived early days and into the (in my opinion!) more interesting toddler years watching your twins become little people. I think that the fact that they have a ready made play mate means that they can often play happily for hours while singeltons can often be more demanding (I have heard from friends) so it is our pay back for the early years!