You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

4. "You've got twins!"

No? Really? Where? I must have missed that one... but thanks for pointing out the obvious to me, otherwise I'd never have realised. I'd have carried on in my misguided view that in fact I have two children, who just happen to be born on the same day.

I'm not naive enough to think that being a 'twin' doesn't attract a certain amount of attention - and to some degree I hope my boys learn to enjoy and appreciate the special thing that being a twin is. However, early on in the pregnancy my husband and I made a decision not to refer to the boys as 'the twins'.

Why? When that is so plainly what they are? Because they are going to already have a very complicated relationship with their identity. Society won't often let them forget that they do indeed have an identical 'other' - especially as they grow up together. So why add to this? Why not see them as two very beautiful (if somewhat cheeky) individual young boys, who just happened to be born on the same day (and turned our lives upside down)?

And... if I am honest... "you've got twins" said in exclamation whilst walking past me is about the most pointless of social exchanges... "You've got a head!" I feel like replying.

Welcome to my long over due attempt at capturing some of the daft, crazy, kind or otherwise things I've been told by friends, family and random strangers since becoming a parent of multiples.

My name is Laura, and I have a daughter, who less than two years later was followed by my identical twin sons. That last year and a half has been pretty crazy, but amazingly we've all survived.

I do appreciate that any mother, regardless of whether they have one child or ten, has some rather unwelcome feedback on their parenting and / or child (e.g. "don't you think she should be wearing socks in this weather"). However, having first experienced being a mother out and about with my daughter, followed rather too swiftly by being a parent out with my twin sons, that the whole running commentary on your life ups to a whole new astonishing level

> Some comments make my jaw drop to the floor

> Some comments make my blood boil

> Some comments make me snigger.Some comments bring a tear to my eye

> Some comments make me realise how there are some things that you just won't understand until you've experienced parenting multiples

> Some comments make me realise just how well I'm doing

> Some comments are just outrageous

> Some comments are really kind

And what I've come to realise, is that all these comments (from the sublime to the ridiculous) should be documented - in part for us parents of multiples (yes, it often does feel like we are in a special club, despite my best attempts at denial) to reflect on them, laugh about them, share them and feel a sense of togetherness about them.

Hopefully also some people who don't have the luxury of twins or triplets or dare I say it quads (eek!) might read this, and might find themselves in a better position to change a very tired parent's day from a crap one, to a great one, just by getting that comment right. Or at the very least, avoiding putting their foot in it, and sending the poor parent off to the toilet in tears (or at least they would if they didn't have to single-handedly supervise more children than they have hands).

I would like to include stories and narrative from others I have shared this journey with - and if you would also like to contribute to this collection please do get in touch. Email me on ll.milling@btinternet.com with your favourite (or indeed least favourite) comments, and how you've taken to responding to them (rudely, politely, or otherwise)

This blog is supposed to be educational, entertaining, amusing, and enlightening - as well as cathartic for me, the author.

You've got your hands full - and 101 other stupid things not to say to a parent of multiples

4. "You've got twins!"

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