15. "I bet you wouldn't change a thing though?"

Yes. I would. 

I would change the fact that my daughter was still so young when we fell pregnant with twins.

I would change the fact that at 19 weeks I nearly went into labour, leaving me with a difficult decision as to whether to have a cervical stitch put in and risk causing a miscarriage, or not have it and risk delivering them before they were viable.

I would change the fact that my decision to have the stitch meant I was no longer able to lift my young daughter anymore.

I would change the fact that I then went on to develop pre-eclampsia, causing me to end up in hospital for large chunks of the pregnancy, meaning my daughter only got to see me for very short periods of time.

I would change the fact that my sons were born with hypospadias - meaning that shortly one of them will have to undergo an operation.

I would change the fact that despite recovering well from the c-section I had to be taken back into hospital due to unusual bleeding requiring IV antibiotics.

I would change the fact that at only a few weeks old I had to see one of my new babies blue and floppy and rushed into hospital*. 

I would change the fact that I then had to sit at his bedside watching a ventilator breathe for him, as he was too tired to breathe for himself. If I could have given him my breath, I would have done.

I would change the fact that 36 hours after my poorly son returned home, my other son also stopped breathing and had to be rushed into hospital, meaning yet again sitting at a bedside watching the wonders of modern technology and medicine.

I would change the fact that I now know and understand so much about ventilation, apnea, breathing alarms, and so on. All things that a mother shouldn't have to find out.

I would change the fact that they then spent several months getting wheezy chest after wheezy chest.

 

I wouldn't, however, change the fact that I had twins.

I also wouldn't change the vast amount of support we all received during those difficult times.

I wouldn't change the fact that my dad was holding my son when he stopped breathing, and that my mother was there to breathe life back into him.

I wouldn't change the endless playdates others have taken my daughter on in order to give us a bit of space or rest.

I wouldn't change the skill and expertise of the doctors and nurses who have cared for us over these times.

I wouldn't change how robust my daughter has become as a result of all of this.

I wouldn't change some of the friendships I have developed along the way, people I might not have otherwise known who have become very important people to me.



* I just wanted to reassure other parents of twins, my boys didn't randomly stop breathing. They both had acute bronchilitus which led to life threatening apnea. The doctors said it is very rare for bronchilitus to cause that and at worst baby's normally just need oxygen, not ventilation. By all means fret over your babies and watch them closely, poke them regularly to check they're ok. But don't do so more as a consequence of my experiences. My experiences were not the norm. They were the exception.