4. "You've got twins!"

No? Really? Where? I must have missed that one... but thanks for pointing out the obvious to me, otherwise I'd never have realised.  I'd have carried on in my misguided view that in fact I have two children, who just happen to be born on the same day.

I'm not naive enough to think that being a 'twin' doesn't attract a certain amount of attention - and to some degree I hope my boys learn to enjoy and appreciate the special thing that being a twin is.  However, early on in the pregnancy my husband and I made a decision not to refer to the boys as 'the twins'.

Why? When that is so plainly what they are? Because they are going to already have a very complicated relationship with their identity. Society won't often let them forget that they do indeed have an identical 'other' - especially as they grow up together.  So why add to this? Why not see them as two very beautiful (if somewhat cheeky) individual young boys, who just happened to be born on the same day (and turned our lives upside down)?

And... if I am honest... "you've got twins" said in exclamation whilst walking past me is about the most pointless of social exchanges... "You've got a head!" I feel like replying.

3. "I just don't know how you do it..."

Really? I mean really? I know that most people mean well when they say this, I suppose it's akin to saying "I respect you for doing something so hard", but sometimes, on those really bad days (the kind of days when I've already eaten my way through an entire box of tunnock's tea cakes only to find they haven't helped) it just makes me want to punch you. I'm sorry. But there it is. Right now, when the kids have just gone to bed, and the husband is about to cook me dinner, I feel bad for ever feeling like that. But usually this is said to me right in one of those really overwhelming moments, when the kids are running riot, and I'm literally juggling or for want of a better analogy 'treading water' and every part of me wants to run away. So when I hear that, what I want to say is "no, neither do I love!".

However, 'do it' I do. Somehow. Some way. I, and they, survive each and every day (almost) in tact. I guess you just rise to it. What other choice do I have? If all those people who have said that to me really thought about it, what is the other option? That I don't do it? That I abandon my kids and hide upstairs and just leave them to it? No. Exactly. The only option I have is to 'do it'. So 'do it' I do.

Some days I do it well, really well in fact.  Other days I do it quite badly.  But I do it. Each and every day.

2. "Do twins run in the family?"

I feel terrible for getting annoyed by this question, as truth be told before 'that' day (yes, the day I was told, the good news is you're pregnant, the other good news is there are two of them) I didn't have a clue about whether twins were hereditary or not.  I too would have assumed they were, and probably ask the same question.  So here goes, lesson number one;

• Identical twins are not hereditary. There you go. We said it. It is considered to be a random or spontaneous event. 
• None identical twins when they are fraternal twins are linked to genetics and can be an inherited joy. 

• Identical twins will always be the same sex (yes, I had to think this one through on 'that' day).
• None identical twins can be different sex, or the same sex - just because twins are the same sex doesn't mean they are identical.  

AND THE WINNER IS: 1. "You've got your hands full"

I can't tell you just how many times I've had this said to me now.  Truly, enough already. I can't take it anymore.

However, yesterday a lovely friend of mine in a very similar situation to myself taught me the best response I could give; "yes, they are full, full of love".

The truth is, my hands are full.  In fact, they are overflowing.  I have 3 small children, and only 2 hands (although I've also found that feet are more helpful than I first thought).  Having twins is a handful. Definitely. No denying it.

But the thing I forgot when I was expecting the boys was that they come with a lot of love. And let's face it, if you're going to have your hands full, what better to have them full of than 3 amazing children, who you have the honour of parenting.

But next time, rather than rather obviously pointing out to a no doubt tired parent that she/he has their hands full.... how about you open the door for them, or pick up the sippy cup their child has just dropped, or offer to push one child on the swing while they push the other.  It is still the simple things that make a big difference, even to those of us with our hands full.